Poetry from Survivors

In Full Bloom

A life interrupted
Like an hourglass in motion
Suddenly stopped
By all the commotion.

Looking, seeking, wanting help
But lips sealed shut by the mere thought of survival and fear.
Who will I tell? Who will believe me if I tell my side of the story?

Trapped is what I feel
Inside of thoughts as if it were unreal.
While deep inside screaming and yelling
Someone please help me, Someone please help me!
All the while dying inside.

Mute is what I feel.
While living in this asylum of shame.
Did I do this? Is this all my fault?
Maybe I will just “suck it up” and move on.

“Stay silent.”
“Don’t say a word.”
“No one will believe you.”
Were the words I so often heard.

From five to fifteen the pain remained the same.
Man after man with just a different name.
The daily remembrance from the childhood that was stolen and snatched away.
Innocence lost and replaced with shame.

Every burn.
Every scar.
Every mark left behind is a reminder of the pain.

Today, yeah today is a different day, God says I was not to blame.
Those scars.
Those burns.
Those marks left behind will be the very motivation to draw the line.

Enough is enough. No more lost childhoods.
Help, fight, listen is my prayer.
End human trafficking and let us know you care.
Shattered I no longer see.

I am made beautiful as beautiful can be.
My life is no longer determined by the painful memory.
I am shameless and blameless for all to see.
Life is no longer determined by what you did to me.

Now I smile with a joyful heart because I’m at peace with who God made me.
Perfect, blameless, and shameless is what he sees as He has set me free.
Free from bondage. Free from fear.
Free from survival and Free to love me.

Thankful is what I am now that I live in peace and joy from being restored.
Love is what I feel now and has wiped away the pain.
I fight for change to help make a difference and save one, two, or three.

Every life matters as you can see and I hope you will join me to save another childhood, to bloom, to blossom, and be set free.

Kelly Wells
Kelly is a survivor of sex trafficking, sexual assault, and domestic violence. Kelly was trafficked at the age of 15 years old and sustained a childhood riddled with abuse, teenage years filled with trauma, and an early adulthood that was reflective of her childhood experiences. Kelly’s childhood trauma impacted her life, not only from the mental health perspective and her self esteem, but also in the decision for her future career choices. Eventually Kelly went to college and graduated with honors from California State University San Bernardino with dual degrees in Sociology and Social Work. Upon completion of two bachelors degrees, Kelly went on to obtain a Master’s Degree in Social Work with Summa Cum Laude honors. In 2015, she wrote and published a book titled Who Am I, Discovering the Value and Worth of Women. This book was written in hopes that girls and women could better understand their value and worth from a biblical perspective.

Kelly has now open up her own practice by the name of Life Guide LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

My Image

Give voice to the words that cannot be spoken.
Speak words for the voices that cannot be heard.
Look at their eyes and tell what you see.
Look in their eyes, you’re looking at me.

There in a cage and trapped in a place.
No way out and led to disgrace.
The camera looks on, an unblinking eye.
The images caught; do you see me cry?

I am 7, one of 3 children there.
Adults with us too, and us in despair.
Look at my eyes and tell what you see.
Look in my eyes and inside of me.

In that place I’m a thing, to them nothing more.
Used hit and hurt, what comes next, what’s in store?

AND THEN…

To many years trapped in that place.
But I’m no longer there, and I have a face.

I have a heart and a soul and things now to do.
I have a purpose today, to reach out to you.

Look in my eyes and what do you see?
My image restored, the real me.
A voice, restored and meant to be heard.

Look in my eyes, I want you to see.
No broken child, but a man who is FREE.

Sean Wheeler
As a preteen Sean’s family lived in a small midwestern town. Before 5 years of age predators came into his life, they groomed him and went on to share him for sexual purposes with others until he was almost 10 years old. By age 7, Sean was used in child sexual abuse material along with other children and several adults. By age 9, he had been taught how to drink and smoke and knew all about pornography. In His perfect timing, God rescued Sean and gave his life purpose today to speak for those who have no voice.

Today, Sean speaks out on the issue of boys and child abuse. He is also the founder of Starfish Ministries, a 501(c)3, in Colorado.

He Sold My Soul

He sold my soul for a hundred bucks,
Sent me inside, while he sits in the truck.
Walk up to the door and knock;
Feel scared and ashamed, can’t make it stop.

Humiliated, I wish I was a pet;
At least then, maybe, I’d be treated with a little more respect
The door opens; I feel sick
I really don’t want to turn this trick

But my pimp is watching nearby,
so I put on a pretty smile for the guy–the ultimate lie
Shut your emotions down; no one wants to see you cry

Take your clothes off, do what needs to be done
While thinking about what he’ll do with the money–maybe take me somewhere fun?

Counting dollars in your head, one at a time,
My pimp might buy me a line.
I need some drugs to take this memory away–
hopefully, it’ll kill me today.

He sold my soul for a hundred bucks,
But he says he loves me, that I’m lucky, that not many men could stand a girl with
edges so rough.

The job is done, I walk back outside
He slams his door shut.
I limp to the car,
Wish I could scrub off the scars

Nobody cares that you’re dying inside,
Not one single person ever bothers to ask,
“Why?”

Rachelle Limbeck
Rachelle is a survivor of sex trafficking in Washington state who has dedicated her life to ending human trafficking and the risk factors of someone getting trafficked, i.e. poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, etc. Rachelle is a passionate cellist. Since escaping trafficking, she has gotten her GED, is going to college, has gotten a job, has been sober for 3 years (since the day she left), and mustered the courage to complete her human trafficking case in the courts. Rachelle is a graduate of Engedi Refuge Ministries, a program for survivors of sex trafficking and exploitation, and she has found her voice through poetry, prose, and activism.

Because I see

Dear Eyes,
I forgive you for all the secrets you told,
Because you made them believe more lies.
I forgive you for tearing down so many walls,
Because you salvage the good bricks for a new one.
I forgive you for letting them in,
Because they get trapped.
I forgive you for getting them lost,
Because it distracts the weak wanderers.
I forgive you for the flood,
Because everything is lost downstream.
I forgive you for wandering off,
Because I would have (never?) seen it coming.
I forgive you for scaring me,
Because you never touched me.
I forgive you for closing,
Because it gave me time to escape.
I forgive you for all these things,
Because you have shown me this beautiful sight called life.

I clench in stillness every time I hear a door struggling to open, or close.
Doors whose frames have been offset
By shakes set off by tiny earthquakes.
I feel them.
But other people are shocked to find out that they occur, they have to hear about it on the tv or radio before they believe it.
And by then it’s just an interesting fact.
I think I’m the only one who’s put two and two together that the house frames are off
Because of these tiny shakes and tremors
That no one feels but me.
But I’m not crazy,
It’s like how someone who’s broken a bone knows it’s gonna rain,
They know because they feel the pain
Again. Where they were once broken.
I feel it too, when the door frame resists.

Permanent Damage

Beautiful Feet

She is a Native American from Oklahoma and a survivor of human trafficking, sexual assault, and domestic abuse. Residing now in Colorado, she has started Beautiful Feet Wellness, an organization that helps survivors find a healthy lifestyle through fitness, wellness, and spiritual growth. Beautiful Feet has used poetry for years as an outlet and a way to express her experiences, turning the darkness of her trauma into something beautiful. This collection of poems displays a variety of trauma informed works from the last 12 years of her life.

That Look

As they walk through the door, just one look in their eyes,
Tells me, “Yes, it’s going to be one of those nights”
The knot in my tummy starts heaving and weaving its way
Through my system.
The runaway train in action.
Who knows if or when it will stop?
It runs out of steam and eventually grinds to a halt,
And I am left in the wake of that smoky bitter encounter.
“Will this ever end?” I ask myself in the dark. “No”, I reply
As my companion Despair wraps his arms around me,
And together we wait for the dawn.
What a snapshot.
Then one day, I snapped, and shot them a glance which said,
“No more. You can’t make me do that anymore.
You can’t make me squirm and disappear with the elves
Ever again.
I’m here. I’m present. I’m strong, and I choose my own nights,
My own encounters, my own mode of transport, to where I
Choose to go…I think.”
Another time, another place, another look, or should I say,
“gaze?”
Beckoning me to a place of safety with no tricks, no trains, no
knots.
Who ever imagined a true definition of, “Love”, the unfailing kind
that never leaves?
One look into those eyes, and I am guided on a journey of healing,
And wholeness, boldness and more than a snapshot of who I
Really am.
What a sweet adventure, even on shady days.
“Will it ever end?” I ask in the light. “No” I hear back.
And I am wrapped in warm silk, and comforted for life.
Now I sit and I smile with my companion..Insight.

By Abigail

INTO THE LIGHT

You called us out of darkness
Into your phenomenal light
Are equipping us for battle
To continue the fight.

You shower us with comfort
So we can share in your triumph
Over sadness and despair
While warring against loneliness and fear.

You gave us grace, to walk daily with you
Perfect love to dry our salty tear
You shroud us in your cloak of unfailing love
You are with us always

Whether we felt you, or believe it
You remain with us eternally
You’ve called us out of a veil of darkness
Into your glorious, translucent light

You’re forever exposing every secret, gently
Every hidden damaged vein you reveal
Now exposed the betrayal, the guilt, contempt and shame
Your conflagration strips layer up on layer away.

Your shining and unabating glow
Brings forth nourishment for our dry land
You are forever with us, Father
Restoring now, what was once eaten and wasted

Swelling with torrents of life to our starving
and parched lives
With you and in you we, by grace remain
For out of the solemn darkness

Yes, out of the eternal darkness
And into your marvellous light we come.

By Blondelle

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